Black flames
by severinas.96
Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9 It was torture. It was pure hot agony running through his veins. And there was nothing he could do about it. – After Dean comes back from the dead everything changes for Sam, and in ways he could have never imagined. Season 9 AU - Rated T for language and dark themes
1. Chapter 1

Sam was pacing back and forth in the main room of the bunker and the fact that Dean wasn't able to do the same thing made Sam's skin crawl. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, punch someone, do anything. But there wasn't anything to do. He didn't exactly remember what had happened either.

_He didn't understand Dean. He didn't understand his behaviour, and that scared him. Sam always understood Dean, just as Dean always understood Sam. Even though they had their differences in opinion and mind, they understood each other. They always understood. _

_But now Sam didn't. He didn't understand Dean, the way he acted. Knocking him out was not like Dean at all. It wasn't him. Dean had lost control over himself, and the mark had taken control. _

_Sam tried to remember that, but he couldn't help to make Dean responsible for things he wasn't responsible for. _

_He had really thought that they were good after their little fight. Okay, they hadn't really talked it out, but it seemed okay. Dean seemed okay. He seemed to come to his mind. It was Sam's fight too after all._

_But as he woke up with a pounding head and Dean nowhere in sight, he realised that Dean was far worse than Sam would have judged. _

_The few minutes that it took Sam to get to the warehouse were torture for him. Every second that he didn't have Dean in sight something bad could happen. Something horrible. Dean was not himself with the mark, he hadn't been for a long time. _

_By the time Sam finally burst through the doors, he had insulted his brother in any way that he had been able to come up with. He had cursed and sworn and promised not to talk to Dean for a whole week after this was over. _

_Sam had been boiling with anger, and then all of a sudden it was all gone. _

_It vanished as if it had never been there the second he saw Dean. His brother, on the floor, covered in blood, dying. _

_Again. _

_The irony of that caught him for a second, but then he rushed forward. _

_"__No"_

_After that, everything went by in a rush. _

_Dean's blood was everywhere. All over his hands. Running freely down his shirt, even though he was pushing at the whole in Dean's chest with all his strength, making Dean groan in agony. He didn't care right now. He couldn't care. Dean couldn't die. He just couldn't. Not now. _

_"__It's better this way."_

_Sam wanted to punch his brother for those words. But now was not the time. Not now. Later. When they were safe. Later. _

_He dragged Dean further, forcing him to stay on his feet, clinging to him as if he let go Dean would fall and never return. _

_"__Sam. Hold up. Hold up."_

_Sam stopped reluctantly. He felt that if he stopped, everything would stop and they would never get going again. But he saw that Dean couldn't continue any further right now. They would rest for a few minutes and then go on. Go home. Be safe. Contine. In a second._

_"__I got to say something to you."_

_"__What?"_

_Dean's eyes were piercing through Sam's and even if he had wanted to he wouldn't have been able to tear his gaze away from his brother. With that gaze they exchanged everything they would have never said out loud. They didn't need words. They had never needed words. They understood each other. _

_"__I'm proud of us."_

_Sam's heart clenched together and he felt his eyes burning. He tried to blink the tears away, but as he opened his eyes again Dean's eyes were closed. _

_"__Dean!"_

But after that, nothing. Not how he had got there. How Dean had gotten there.

Dean, who was lying in his bedroom, sprawled on the bed, not moving, possibly not ever going to move again.

Dead.

And there was no one there to help him. Castiel and Gadreel were probably off fighting Metatron, probably dead by now too. And Crowley was…

"Crowley" Sam growled and stopped pacing.

His feet took him down towards the storage room of the bunker without him really noticing. "Damn it, Crowley. You got him into this mess. You will get him out... or so help me, God.. "

Crowley stepped out of the shadows in the main room as soon as Sam was out of sight.

He shook his head making his way over to Dean's room and closing the door behind him silently.

"Stupid, innocent little Moose…"

* * *

This chapter was basically a recap of the last episode of season 9 so that everyone is on the same page, but from here on it's probably gonna be AU. I've got it written out already, so if anyone wants to read this it'll be up in the next few days. So, any takers? Tell me what you thought?


	2. Chapter 2

Standing over Dean's motionless body, Crowley began pacing.

"Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But...there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumour has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... No, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten...that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true."

He walked over to the bed and bent over Dean, placing the First Blade into Dean's hand and gently moving it over Dean's chest.

"Listen to me, Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now - it's not death. It's life - a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And let's go take a howl at that moon."

As Dean opened his eyes, Crowley stared back into that black nothingness.

Everything was going fine.

Fine except for the fact that Dean was dead, again. Fine except for the fact that Crowley hadn't appeared when Sam had summoned him. Fine except for the fact that Sam was slowly starting to panic.

The brothers had always found a way to cheat death. There was always a way, always a solution, always someone who would help or could be forced to help.

But this time Sam was out of his wits. He didn't know what to do. He had no idea how to help Dean. How to get him back from the dead.

Then, suddenly, Sam heard a noise coming from inside Dean's room. In a second he was at the door and threw it open.

And then froze right in the door way.

"Crowley" he growled.

With one big step he was by Crowley and threw the demon with all his force against the nearest wall. Pressing his forearm against the others throat he pierced the demon in place with his gaze.

"What did you do to him?" he shouted.

Crowley didn't even flinch.

"Relax" he drawled. "I didn't do anything. I'm trying to help here."

Sam was about to punch the truth out of Crowley as he heard a sound coming from the bed behind him.

He froze. That couldn't be, could it?

Slowly he turned around, eyes lingering for a second on Crowley before deciding that he wasn't that important in this moment. The most important thing was Dean.

Dean, who was sitting upright in his bed.

Dean, who was staring directly at Sam.

Staring at him with black eyes.

Sam lost control and everything he could do was run.

Even now that he was out of the room, the black eyes didn't leave him. Everywhere he looked there they were. Dark. So dark. Black. Bad.

Dean. Black eyes. Demon. Demon Dean. Dean a demon.

Sam carded his fingers through his hair and pulled, pulled as hard as he could, trying to make his mind stop thinking, make the thoughts stop, everything stop.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was impossible to ignore the fierce heat running through his body, that insatiable need. But he had to. He'd done it for a few hours without even noticing, it should only get better once he concentrated on controlling it.

At first he hadn't realised what it actually was that he felt. Everything was in chaos, his mind running a hundred miles per hour and he didn't have time to listen to his body's needs.

But as things calmed down and Sam found some time alone, the feeling came back and forced itself to the forefront of his thoughts. He remembered that feeling. The feeling he knew so well and dreaded so much. The feeling that had been his constant companion for those dreadful months. The feeling that he had missed so much; then hated to miss it. The feeling that had given him power, power not only over himself but over everyone around him. Had made him feel special. The feeling that Ruby had given him and that Dean took away. The feeling of demon blood pumping through his veins.

Or right now the feeling of emptiness that preceded the feeling of demon blood. That emptiness that soon morphed into need and want and pure necessity of demon blood.

He hadn't felt it for months, hadn't needed it for years now. Even though he had been around Crowley, it had never been that insatiable. That strong. That unforgiving.

Maybe it was because Crowley just smelled different. Maybe it was because he knew Crowley long enough. Maybe it was because he hadn't paid that much attention to it. Maybe. But maybe not.

The fact was that with Dean it was different. The smell, the need, the want, it was more powerful than ever. Even more so than it had been with Ruby. Or during his withdrawal. Or ever.

And now that he was aware of it, there was no other space in his mind beside that thought. There was only the need for something to satisfy that need. Something. Anything.

But this was his brother. This wasn't even a normal demon – Sam shuddered at the thought that it didn't matter to him right now to kill anyone besides Dean to silence that need – this was his brother. And he would never harm his brother. Not in that way.

Once Sam's eyes fell on Crowley, all his rage and anger and desperation burst free and he threw himself at the demon, mind turning blank.

As his mind snapped and he came back from that place he didn't want to think about, Sam found himself in Dean's arms who was trying to hold him back from Crowley.

He growled one last time at the demon, then sagged back into Dean's arms, exhausted. There was nothing he could do right now against the demon. He was too weak, too vulnerable to fight against a black eyed monster. And then he remembered.

Black eyes.

Dean's black eyes.

Dean was a demon.

He shot up again and faced his brother. Even though right now his eyes were not black he couldn't stop staring at them, couldn't get the image of those black abysms out of his head.

As he saw the pained expression in Dean's eyes he realised that he had backed away from his brother. He hadn't been able to ignore the natural reflex to back away from a demon. Even if that demon was his brother. He was scared of Dean, he realised. He froze, not wanting to hurt Dean even more but he couldn't keep the thoughts from showing in his eyes.

Crowley behind him was forgotten for the moment, and the demon used that chance to vanish.

"Dean" Sam finally managed to say. He regained control of his body and managed to force it to relax. "Dean…"

Dean looked up to him, eyes not black, and tried to force a grin onto his face. It failed miserably.

"Sam" he muttered, eyes never leaving Sam and sighed. "Sammy" he repeated, this time softer.

Sam pulled his body upright again, forced himself to look Dean into the eyes – not black, they were _not_ black – and tried to smile back. He felt that it failed just as badly as Dean's had.

"Is that… really you?" he managed to get out.

"Course it is, bitch" answered Dean, getting a sliver of his humour back.

"Jerk" reacted Sam without thinking, and that little tradition that still prevailed between them, even if Dean was a demon, broke the dam.

Sam gave in into his reflexes and hugged Dean.

And it was in that moment that he consciously felt it for the first time. The need to do things he didn't want to do. The need for blood.

Sam flinched, and Dean immediately let go of him and held him at arm's length to give him a once over.

"Hey, you hurt Sammy?" he asked while running his hands over his brothers tense body.

"No. No, I'm fine" Sam tried to convince Dean but his voice failed him.

"Sam?" Dean asked again, turning his brothers face towards him. Sam shied away again, contorting his face. "Sam" Dean repeated, this time sadder.

Sam looked up and met Dean's eyes. This time he did understand him.

"No! No, it's not about that. It's not because you're a demon. Well, it is, but…" he tried to explain. "It's not you, it's…"

"It's what?" Dean asked.

But Sam shook his head.

"I can't. I can't right now, I need some time, I need to…" he stammered while standing up. He walked backwards to the door, shot Dean one last apologetic glance and left the room in a hurry, leaving back a bewildered Dean.

* * *

So, here we go. As promised, the next chapter. Again, the first few lines are taken form the show, but from there on it goes AU.

Hope you liked it, please tell me what you think of it, means the world to me.


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